Date someone who treats you like shit

date charlene ajose

Date someone who treats you like shit.

Then find someone who will treat you the complete opposite.

I was never truly open when it came to writing about my past relationships. I used to be an overly emotional person. I say used to because I like to believe that I am now in a better, more emotionally stable place, mostly due to the nature of my work (I am a Nurse) but a considerable amount could also be attributed to my past heartbreaks – but then again, I digress.

I am currently writing this while sitting on a bus en route to an overly populated mall in Makati to do my usual day-off me time “paganda day” errands. I am not sure why I am telling you this. But it is most probably because I am stalling.

A back story: I am 23 years old (turning a year older this November!), 22 years of which I spent living under the roof of my very loving and supportive (but also very strict) parents. 2 ½ years of that was spent on a long term (now amicably ended) relationship, and the rest spent living on my own, and exploring the world of dating – alongside all of the multitude things I do (operating room nurse, blogger, layout maker, PokémonGo player, and more recently trying to become into a serious calligrapher) in this phenomenon that I call my life.

I like coffee and reading books, white sheets, and staying inside when it’s raining. I like pandas and cute baby videos. I like listening to cheesy punk rock, but then again, maybe that was just a phase. I like eating, especially bread and desserts, but not the overly sweet ones. I do not have a favorite color, partly because I believe it’s unfair to pick just one because every color is beautiful (even opaque couché​which is considered as the world’s ugliest color) but also because I am very indecisive. I used to believe I did not have a type, but after I saw a pattern, I made an internal agreement with myself that it was finally okay to admit it (In case you were wondering, it would be chinitos lol) I can get pretty sarcastic at times and my humor revolves around punny pun conversations and borderline appropriate inappropriate jokes.

These are the things I’ll probably tell you on the first date, but here are some that I won’t.

I am very picky. I am honest when I like or do not like you, and I do not lead people on. I get irritated easily (Usual suspects: dishonesty, nonsensical musings, cold fries) but I get over it just as fast. I am not the most patient person but I have a very high tolerance for b*llsh*t. I do not like routines because I get bored very easy. I can express myself better in writing than speaking. I live by the belief that if you have to do something, you have to do it well, that you must learn something new every day, and that time you enjoy wasting is not time wasted. I’m very friendly but I only consider a handful as my real friends. I avoid confrontations at all costs, unless I know there’s a point that needs proving. My mind constantly wanders about trivialities such as why the sky is blue and why sugar attracts ants, also if there is life on other planets because I believe that anything is possible until it is proven to be impossible. My ultimate goal in life is to be able to make a difference in the lives of everyone, everyday, in every (or any) way.

If you ask me now what trait I like most about myself, I would answer my being appreciative. It honestly does not take much to make me happy, because I see the big even in small things. I also have this tendency to always see the good in anyone and every one, which is probably why it’s so easy for me to fall for the wrong people.

Or generally people who treat other people like shit.

I’m not saying everyone I dated in the past was a selfish, emotionally controlling a**hole, but most of them came pretty close. And these are the people you have to date at least once in your life. Someone who is on their phone 90% of the time you spend together. Date someone who cancels on the last minute, who only contacts you when it is convenient for him, who keeps you on the side because he knows you’ll ‘always be there’. Someone your friends do not like, and someone who you keep making up excuses for. Date someone who is rude to the wait staff, because honestly, a nice person who expects service and is rude in return is really not a nice person. Date someone who always acts surprised when he realizes that you actually wear glasses for medical and not only aesthetic reasons, even though you have clearly established this fact a number of times already. Date someone who doesn’t ask a thing about you – It’s not that you’re not interesting, he’s just not interested. Date someone who is so deep into mind games and mysteries so much so that he became one himself. Date someone who will use you, they need it to boost their deflating ego. Date someone who treats you like shit. Because that’s when you’ll realize your worth, and prompt you to find someone who will treat you better.

Better is someone who makes you feel good about yourself. Better is someone who may not always have the time, but makes sure he finds the time. Better always plans dates in advanced, and doesn’t treat you as a last resort. Better sends you ‘Good morning’ and ‘Good night’ texts, not everyday, but enough. Better makes phone calls, because he likes the sound of your voice. He finds comfort in knowing that you have eaten at the right time and got home safe. Better sends random @dailycute videos, because for some unfathomable reason, he knows that right now you are not okay. Better is someone who remembers the time you said you are basically blind in the dark without glasses, and loads up his phone’s flashlight to guide your way so you won’t trip, club bouncer style. He will remember the tiniest details, and that shows he cares. Better is someone tells you things you absolutely need to hear, even when you do not want to hear them. Better is someone who doesn’t make you wonder if you are liked and loved, because he makes sure you know it. He is someone who is not afraid to introduce you to people in his life, because you both know that who you are is someone awesome. Better is someone who accepts you for who you are, just as you are. You do not have to change anything, because ‘you’ is already enough. And most importantly, better is someone who makes you want to become BETTER, not only for yourself but for the other people who care for you as well.

Date someone who treats you like shit. Fall for them, love them, get your heart broken by them. Stalk all his social media accounts, read back on all your old conversations, nitpick out the things you should have or shouldn’t have said. Blame yourself for not being pretty enough, skinny enough, or just in general good enough. Start a diary, a blog, write songs and poems – any form of catharsis to leech your blood out of that person. And when your system is finally clean, you’ll wake up one morning refreshed, full of memories that don’t hurt anymore, and that is when you start to heal.

And when you start healing, you’ll realize that you are worth way more than what you sell yourself for. You will find no more need to look to other people for validation, because now you know your worth. You’ll realize that who you are is enough, and if that is not enough for one person to appreciate, you find peace in knowing that you can find another person who will.

People will treat you the way you allow them to. And there stands that you have a choice. Date someone who treats you like shit. Then find someone who will treat you the complete opposite – the way you deserved to be treated.

Dress: Pink Manila, Shoes: Gold Rhino Run by Bucketfeet,Bag: H&M, Photos: Tim Telan

*Reposting one of my favorite articles from my old blog.

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That Certain Charlene is a Layout Maker by profession, a Registered Nurse by mind, and a Stylista by heart. She is the ultimate multihyphenate. This blog serves as an online diary of everything and anything that is of her interest. Each post is a story - #AsToldByCha

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